Originally, I was supposed to write one of these each month. I suppose that makes this one about 5 months too late, or rather I have 5 more that I owe before I’m up to date. I wanted to write them, and share this experience with the people in my life who supported this decision. But I never did. And so instead, I’ve racked my brain thinking of why I wouldn’t, or couldn’t, get it done.

            It was fear, I think. A fear of imperfection has been a constant through these last 5 months. I didn’t want to admit to my sponsors that all the trust they had put in me to do good work may have been misplaced. I haven’t been a model Christian. Too many opportunities to help people, offers from my roommate Ross to help in the soup kitchen, went by without me taking action. Was this what I had asked for money to do? To sit in my new apartment and scrape together enough quarters to order a pizza? I was trying to keep my head afloat in the biggest city in America, when I thought the expectation had been to soar.

            The New Year brought a change. A trip home to the community that had taken care of me for so much of my life. And I didn’t notice the change at first. My whole life people in my church had told me that I was meant for big things, and I came back to them more unsure of myself then I’d ever been in my life. If you know me, you know I don’t often seem that way. But I was beaten down by my experience in New York and vulnerable. People saw it when they spoke with me. And no one cared. I was greeted with the same easy smiles, the same open arms, the same huge hearts that had always been there. It didn’t matter that I wasn’t all of who I thought I was. I was still every bit who they saw. And every bit who they believed in.

            I’ve been back in New York with a vengeance since that retreat back to North Carolina. I have the same difficulty with the job I’m doing, yes, but the fear is gone. I’ve come to realize now that it’s ok to be imperfect, that love dependent on perfection isn’t really love at all. Fear is a powerful thing, choking off not only the confidence to try new things, but even assurance in those things I know I have gifts for. I can’t thank the people in my life enough for loving me through that fear.

In the coming week I’ll share more of my experience. There’s extreme inequality in this city I’m now starting to call home, but there’s powerful joy I have recently been able to find too. I’ll try to piece together some of the wisdom the people of New York have tried to show me, and tell about the new excitement I found once I finally joined Ross at the soup kitchen. I’ll tell you about the woman who finally got me smiling again.

            I can only feel so much shame for the fear that brought me to where I am now, but its there. Now, I begin my growth in earnest, and hope some of my community will be with me for the rest of it.

With Love, and imperfection,

            Trevor

This is an example post, originally published as part of Blogging University. Enroll in one of our ten programs, and start your blog right.

You’re going to publish a post today. Don’t worry about how your blog looks. Don’t worry if you haven’t given it a name yet, or you’re feeling overwhelmed. Just click the “New Post” button, and tell us why you’re here.

Why do this?

• Because it gives new readers context. What are you about? Why should they read your blog?
• Because it will help you focus you own ideas about your blog and what you’d like to do with it.

The post can be short or long, a personal intro to your life or a bloggy mission statement, a manifesto for the future or a simple outline of your the types of things you hope to publish.

To help you get started, here are a few questions:

• Why are you blogging publicly, rather than keeping a personal journal?
• What topics do you think you’ll write about?
• Who would you love to connect with via your blog?
• If you blog successfully throughout the next year, what would you hope to have accomplished?

You’re not locked into any of this; one of the wonderful things about blogs is how they constantly evolve as we learn, grow, and interact with one another — but it’s good to know where and why you started, and articulating your goals may just give you a few other post ideas.

Can’t think how to get started? Just write the first thing that pops into your head. Anne Lamott, author of a book on writing we love, says that you need to give yourself permission to write a “crappy first draft”. Anne makes a great point — just start writing, and worry about editing it later.

When you’re ready to publish, give your post three to five tags that describe your blog’s focus — writing, photography, fiction, parenting, food, cars, movies, sports, whatever. These tags will help others who care about your topics find you in the Reader. Make sure one of the tags is “zerotohero,” so other new bloggers can find you, too.